March to August. Yes, 5 months out of Habitat. Busied myself in a number of ways here in our beloved Bohol: trying to raise pigs the organic way; going back to where a country begins, the village of hard work and still fantastic dreams; wracking nerves and brains complying with donor's requirements for two projects which were about to end; exploring caves in Lamanok island; sharing memories separately with two families of old friends, one from Habitat and the other from UNICEF;
getting what the doctor called low-level flu, which does not quite disable you, but it makes you feel your limbs are too heavy to carry; remembering old friends and other relations; trying to find ways on how to feel on one's skin the late afternoon rains; reaffirming one's true worth and resolving in the end to just move on and just "follow your dreams";
cleansing oneself of toxic thoughts and heeding the advice to just think of others; getting out of oneself and discovering the antidote against pain and cynicism and hopelessness; trying to smell the roses and look at sunsets ... In the end, there is the persistent call to go back to where it all began, the search for a father whose bones where scattered far and wide to look for a proper home, away from the restrictions imposed by institutions which take care of properties such as cemeteries and not care where the dead among the poor can park their bones and their spirit prayed to and remembered with candles against the wind ...
farewell my foot-loose friend. on monday, 24 august, we return to work not to habitat, but to a bilateral agency which seeks to do innovative work in a cluster of municipalities to demonstrate how to make local governance a fertile ground to help grow the local economy. farewell organic pigs, exotic caves, timid rains, unmerciful procedures that work only for the rich and powerful.
yes, yes, back to development work. sabi nga ng isang kaibigan, balik sa walang kamatayang development work. will keep you posted. cheers!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Love Affair with a Software
First it was called LPRAP software. LPRAP means Local Poverty Reduction Plan. That was five years ago. LPRAP was what government was promoting to be done at barangay level. Government intended that prior to submitting projects, Local Government Units or LGUs should first come up with village plans as basis for project preparation and budgetary allocation.
Nobody took it seriously. Everyone went the old way of writing project proposals and bundling these off and the compilation of projects they called LPRAP. No sweat really.
We took it seriously though at the provincial planning office here in Bohol, an island province of 1.26 million people in Central Philippines. Our team was obsessed with creating a digital tool that will make it easier to rank households and communities based on core poverty indicators and to direct interventions to those who need assistance the most.
We recruited a British IT professional, Tony Irving, to help us design the tool. Tony is still with us through five agonizing years. Sometimes there is salary where there's a grant or a project. In other times, he switches to a volunteer mode. Being single, he does not worry too much about money. Well, actually he worries, but the passion to create this software rules our days beyond comfort and ordinary afflictions, such as lack of money.
I talked with him the other day and he assured me Version 2.3 can do away with a senior programmer. It is quite stable. He has succeeded to design a tool that will not only track needs, but also household and community assets which can be developed to address poverty-related constraints. He is confident that even if he disappears from the scene, the software can be used by agencies and organizations involved in poverty reduction work.
But I told him we still need him perhaps less than a programmer now, but a mentor. There is also the need and the challenge to maximize the use of the tool. It's an innovative, exciting tool. LGUs want the household poverty database in their system. But whether they are using it to the maximum in targeting disadvantaged households and monitoring what happens next in terms of service delivery, is another matter.
I challenged Tony that for the next phase he has to be here still to see how we can demonstrate concretely in specific municipalities and villages that the software and the database have helped alleviate poverty. He merely smiled. Knowing Tony and how he has labored to design this tool based on the problems and the needs and the challenges that we threw him the past five years, I think he will continue this love affair with the software here in Bohol.
Now we must multiply the number of IT specialists who will love this software. The love affair continues.
Nobody took it seriously. Everyone went the old way of writing project proposals and bundling these off and the compilation of projects they called LPRAP. No sweat really.
We took it seriously though at the provincial planning office here in Bohol, an island province of 1.26 million people in Central Philippines. Our team was obsessed with creating a digital tool that will make it easier to rank households and communities based on core poverty indicators and to direct interventions to those who need assistance the most.
We recruited a British IT professional, Tony Irving, to help us design the tool. Tony is still with us through five agonizing years. Sometimes there is salary where there's a grant or a project. In other times, he switches to a volunteer mode. Being single, he does not worry too much about money. Well, actually he worries, but the passion to create this software rules our days beyond comfort and ordinary afflictions, such as lack of money.
I talked with him the other day and he assured me Version 2.3 can do away with a senior programmer. It is quite stable. He has succeeded to design a tool that will not only track needs, but also household and community assets which can be developed to address poverty-related constraints. He is confident that even if he disappears from the scene, the software can be used by agencies and organizations involved in poverty reduction work.
But I told him we still need him perhaps less than a programmer now, but a mentor. There is also the need and the challenge to maximize the use of the tool. It's an innovative, exciting tool. LGUs want the household poverty database in their system. But whether they are using it to the maximum in targeting disadvantaged households and monitoring what happens next in terms of service delivery, is another matter.
I challenged Tony that for the next phase he has to be here still to see how we can demonstrate concretely in specific municipalities and villages that the software and the database have helped alleviate poverty. He merely smiled. Knowing Tony and how he has labored to design this tool based on the problems and the needs and the challenges that we threw him the past five years, I think he will continue this love affair with the software here in Bohol.
Now we must multiply the number of IT specialists who will love this software. The love affair continues.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Retirement Blues
You know you are on retirement if you wake up in the morning and wonder how you will spend the day. You rise up, open the computer to either Gmail or Yahoo, and you wonder why there's no email for you. Weeks before, you had quite a lot of them, each one screaming for an urgent response. So you crawl back to bed ten minutes after you wake up, which should be around 4 something, and lay in the dark waiting for the sun to shine. You endure those hours in the privacy of your own thoughts. You are retired and the biggest problem is how to make yourself useful again. You wonder why you were not ask to volunteer by the organization which last claimed the best of what you could offer as an employee with 32 years of professional work behind you.
Fortunately, it took me just three days to bounce back from this state often referred to when we were young as a period of "suspended animation." A confused state; a time when you seem not to be able to decide firmly on anything at all. You just want to stay in your room, often in bed, trying to decide whether to continue reading a book you started to read a week before, click the TV for CNN or BBC, or just stare blankly at the ceiling, thinking of nothing in particular.
Most of the time, you are left on your own. Everybody's just plain busy minding his or her own business. And this is the most difficult of all, when you are on forced retirement: to find nobody home to talk with. You listen to the birds, the barking of dogs at night, some voices of children at play, but you find no motivation nor energy to be an active participant in the scene unfolding around you. You want to talk about it, but you hold back because you feel you are an intrusion in other people's lives.
So after three days, I have decided to plunge into frenzied work again, go back to work with the NGO I helped set up years before and meddled with everything there on sight. It's a blessing that the organization is in a mess, and I can play hero by trying to gather together the ramparts of a shipwreck. Wow, what a glorious opportunity to prove you are not that old, that you can play the role of paramount chief again, he who goes back to his tribe and lead the fight.
I found myself in the familiar round of staff and committee meetings, field work, observation and monitoring. Suddenly I have found my voice again. The other day, I was in a meeting and again, I found myself being open with my reflections. After the meeting, I wondered whether they appreciated my being too open with my views. For a while, I doubted the wisdom of joining a meeting in which everybody called me Sir because all the others in the room were half my age.
If you have this doubt, this nagging feeling that people may not appreciate what you say or do, then truly you will know you are getting the familiar retirement blues!
Fortunately, it took me just three days to bounce back from this state often referred to when we were young as a period of "suspended animation." A confused state; a time when you seem not to be able to decide firmly on anything at all. You just want to stay in your room, often in bed, trying to decide whether to continue reading a book you started to read a week before, click the TV for CNN or BBC, or just stare blankly at the ceiling, thinking of nothing in particular.
Most of the time, you are left on your own. Everybody's just plain busy minding his or her own business. And this is the most difficult of all, when you are on forced retirement: to find nobody home to talk with. You listen to the birds, the barking of dogs at night, some voices of children at play, but you find no motivation nor energy to be an active participant in the scene unfolding around you. You want to talk about it, but you hold back because you feel you are an intrusion in other people's lives.
So after three days, I have decided to plunge into frenzied work again, go back to work with the NGO I helped set up years before and meddled with everything there on sight. It's a blessing that the organization is in a mess, and I can play hero by trying to gather together the ramparts of a shipwreck. Wow, what a glorious opportunity to prove you are not that old, that you can play the role of paramount chief again, he who goes back to his tribe and lead the fight.
I found myself in the familiar round of staff and committee meetings, field work, observation and monitoring. Suddenly I have found my voice again. The other day, I was in a meeting and again, I found myself being open with my reflections. After the meeting, I wondered whether they appreciated my being too open with my views. For a while, I doubted the wisdom of joining a meeting in which everybody called me Sir because all the others in the room were half my age.
If you have this doubt, this nagging feeling that people may not appreciate what you say or do, then truly you will know you are getting the familiar retirement blues!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Fieldworker's Joys
The events of the past few days have given us immense joy. First, Dr. Jude Alon came all the way from General Santos City and for three days last week led us through the basics of organic pig and goat raising. It was meant to be a one-on-one mentoring for me to learn practical ways to raise livestock the organic way, but it evolved into a full-blown workshop complete with field practicum involving not only myself but also the field staff of a sustainable agriculture project operating in two towns here in Bohol.
Dr. Jude shared tips on how to prepare feeds from out of plants grown from the garden, how to house pigs or goats, what breeds to raise, how to do castration, etc, and went with us to San Isidro and Sagbayan to visit community projects implemented by our Foundation under an AusAID-assisted program.
The participants did not actually start from zero. We have had the experience of going organic either under a project or as a family initiative. Dr. Jude, a veterinarian, who used to work with the famous Rural Life Center run by the Baptists in Bansalan, Davao del Sur, impressed us with his practical knowledge not only about organic livestock raising, but also how to do contours in slopes to prevent soil erosion. We learned and practised this through the years, having learned it ourselves from the Center, but it was a joy seeing him with farmers actually doing it on a hill behind our farm.
We knew him only by name before he came. His contact addresses were shared with us by a colleague from Habitat who was his brother-in-law. He came and shared his knowledge freely without the usual terms of reference and consultancy fee. He just came upon our invitation and shared what he knew about a subject matter that is now rapidly gaining attention in the face of escalating costs of farm inputs and the need to spare the planet from further abuse of its natural resources.
One of those who came was Dodong Formentera, our community organizer based in Cortes. He has spent almost 25 years or more in community development promoting backyard gardening. He was the motivator and trainer responsible for putting on the ground our efforts to spread the gospel of nature farming. He sat humbly in Dr. Jude's sessions, took notes, and asked questions like an ordinary seminar participants. He, too, had learned how to do the contours from Bansalan and helped propagate its use both in the Philippines and the Pacific, where he worked for several years in a UNDP-funded project. It was a joy seeing him in a conference hall and in the field showing all the traits of a veteran community development worker.
Yesterday, I was with Dr. Pomie Buot, a medical doctor who decided to be a development worker rather than practise her profession, to attend a focus group discussion on governance facilitated by consultants from AusAID. It was attended by representatives from local government units, projects involved in eco-tourism, and from the cultural arts (wonder of wonders!). It was a joy to see both new and old friends still involved in development work here in Bohol fighting a traditional monster called Poverty. Yes, Sir, we are all here still fighting the same foe after all these years. (Ang walang kamatayang development work, sabi nga ni Thelma Cruz, in an email from New Zealand, who used to monitor UNICEF projects as part of her work at the planning authority ages ago).
I must thank everybody for helping out in my reentry to the local development scene here in Bohol. Here we go again, folks. Now it's a joy to join you here in a struggle to the death against this stubborn foe, poverty, poverty, poverty. Walang kamatayan talaga!
Dr. Jude shared tips on how to prepare feeds from out of plants grown from the garden, how to house pigs or goats, what breeds to raise, how to do castration, etc, and went with us to San Isidro and Sagbayan to visit community projects implemented by our Foundation under an AusAID-assisted program.
The participants did not actually start from zero. We have had the experience of going organic either under a project or as a family initiative. Dr. Jude, a veterinarian, who used to work with the famous Rural Life Center run by the Baptists in Bansalan, Davao del Sur, impressed us with his practical knowledge not only about organic livestock raising, but also how to do contours in slopes to prevent soil erosion. We learned and practised this through the years, having learned it ourselves from the Center, but it was a joy seeing him with farmers actually doing it on a hill behind our farm.
We knew him only by name before he came. His contact addresses were shared with us by a colleague from Habitat who was his brother-in-law. He came and shared his knowledge freely without the usual terms of reference and consultancy fee. He just came upon our invitation and shared what he knew about a subject matter that is now rapidly gaining attention in the face of escalating costs of farm inputs and the need to spare the planet from further abuse of its natural resources.
One of those who came was Dodong Formentera, our community organizer based in Cortes. He has spent almost 25 years or more in community development promoting backyard gardening. He was the motivator and trainer responsible for putting on the ground our efforts to spread the gospel of nature farming. He sat humbly in Dr. Jude's sessions, took notes, and asked questions like an ordinary seminar participants. He, too, had learned how to do the contours from Bansalan and helped propagate its use both in the Philippines and the Pacific, where he worked for several years in a UNDP-funded project. It was a joy seeing him in a conference hall and in the field showing all the traits of a veteran community development worker.
Yesterday, I was with Dr. Pomie Buot, a medical doctor who decided to be a development worker rather than practise her profession, to attend a focus group discussion on governance facilitated by consultants from AusAID. It was attended by representatives from local government units, projects involved in eco-tourism, and from the cultural arts (wonder of wonders!). It was a joy to see both new and old friends still involved in development work here in Bohol fighting a traditional monster called Poverty. Yes, Sir, we are all here still fighting the same foe after all these years. (Ang walang kamatayang development work, sabi nga ni Thelma Cruz, in an email from New Zealand, who used to monitor UNICEF projects as part of her work at the planning authority ages ago).
I must thank everybody for helping out in my reentry to the local development scene here in Bohol. Here we go again, folks. Now it's a joy to join you here in a struggle to the death against this stubborn foe, poverty, poverty, poverty. Walang kamatayan talaga!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Out Where A Country Begins
I remember when I was growing up in my home province, Quezon, I used to read a column in one of the Sunday magazines entitled, "Out Where A Country Begins." I recall I feasted on it with its detailed account of what went on in towns and villages as observed by the columnist. I do not now recall the name of the columnist, but I recall my fascination with his account. I have lived most of my days in rural areas, and I must say, the columnist was seeing things I was only faintly aware of because probably I was so used to the sight and smell and sounds of the local scene that I just ignored them.
These thoughts came to mind last night as I watched a not-too-ordinary activity here in our barangay in Bohol. Multi-awarded musical director, Gardy Labad, who has chosen to settle in a nearby village which is home to his mother and clan in Baclayon, Bohol, came here to do auditions for his Teatro Bol-anon.
He has formed what he calls cultural collectives in Maribojoc and Anda and he is willing to do it in his hometown, too, upon invitation from my family and a neighbor, Dr. Pomie Buot. I saw one presentation of the group in Maribojoc and was amazed at how Gardy transformed ordinary folks, the "istambays" among them, into a 22-member cast of a play based on the town's famous landmark, Punta Cruz.
To date, this theater group has done a total of 30 presentations, including one in Manila. Now it is in Dumaguete City in response to another invitation. I can just imagine the boost to the self-esteem of the young people in the cast. Without this engagement with the cultural collective, they would just be idling away precious time in drinking sprees and other vices too tempting to resist if the day's priorities are vague.
Only 5 came to the audition last night, two sisters, two brothers and one relative of the two sisters with ages ranging from 21 to 10. Each one showed their talents in singing, dancing and acting based on instructions from Gardy. The veteran musical director that he is, Gardy gave pointers to each one of them. Samples: do not imitate other singers, just be yourself; open your mouth wider when you sing, etc. The participants obliged and showed Gardy had mined truly some gems of talent from each one of them.
A crowd of 7 women came, some are relatives of these would-be actors and actresses, and they were all witnesses to the start of a new phenomenon in their village. They said they would invite other young people to join the next audition. Meanwhile, Gardy assigned the five participants to gather stories about fisherfolks since Laya is a fishing village. He says all the would-be actors and actresses will participate in the writing of a play based on the actual life in the village.
The session lasted from 9 to 11 pm. I went to bed convinced this is truly where a country should begin, in villages such as this which is not only in dire need of basic services, but of a boost to their spirit in knowing there is in their midst artistic gems to be mined. ###
These thoughts came to mind last night as I watched a not-too-ordinary activity here in our barangay in Bohol. Multi-awarded musical director, Gardy Labad, who has chosen to settle in a nearby village which is home to his mother and clan in Baclayon, Bohol, came here to do auditions for his Teatro Bol-anon.
He has formed what he calls cultural collectives in Maribojoc and Anda and he is willing to do it in his hometown, too, upon invitation from my family and a neighbor, Dr. Pomie Buot. I saw one presentation of the group in Maribojoc and was amazed at how Gardy transformed ordinary folks, the "istambays" among them, into a 22-member cast of a play based on the town's famous landmark, Punta Cruz.
To date, this theater group has done a total of 30 presentations, including one in Manila. Now it is in Dumaguete City in response to another invitation. I can just imagine the boost to the self-esteem of the young people in the cast. Without this engagement with the cultural collective, they would just be idling away precious time in drinking sprees and other vices too tempting to resist if the day's priorities are vague.
Only 5 came to the audition last night, two sisters, two brothers and one relative of the two sisters with ages ranging from 21 to 10. Each one showed their talents in singing, dancing and acting based on instructions from Gardy. The veteran musical director that he is, Gardy gave pointers to each one of them. Samples: do not imitate other singers, just be yourself; open your mouth wider when you sing, etc. The participants obliged and showed Gardy had mined truly some gems of talent from each one of them.
A crowd of 7 women came, some are relatives of these would-be actors and actresses, and they were all witnesses to the start of a new phenomenon in their village. They said they would invite other young people to join the next audition. Meanwhile, Gardy assigned the five participants to gather stories about fisherfolks since Laya is a fishing village. He says all the would-be actors and actresses will participate in the writing of a play based on the actual life in the village.
The session lasted from 9 to 11 pm. I went to bed convinced this is truly where a country should begin, in villages such as this which is not only in dire need of basic services, but of a boost to their spirit in knowing there is in their midst artistic gems to be mined. ###
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Journey I Have Been (8)
20 Apr 2009. A full month after I arrived here in the Phils. from Kuala Lumpur. I look back, and I feel still uneasy about it all. But I have to accept the fact that my assignment has ended and now I have no choice but to move on.
It has taken me quite a while to get the courage to write down my thoughts as part of a cleansing process. During the past month, I distracted myself going to remote villages and renewing ties with project partners. It was also a blessing that there was the Holy Week. As part of centuries-old tradition, our family joined hundred others to visit at least 7 churches during Maundy
Thursday. Before this, there were church masses or services to attend. In-between these activities, I had time to reflect and put myself a little more at ease with how things were turning out which were not according to plan.
Some time during the period I had also to organize get-togethers for friends and colleagues to celebrate my birthday. I had to put up a happy front to hide the turmoil within me: what do I do at 67 when you are too old to be part of a strategic staff development plan? Or so I thought as I talked as though I was the happiest guy during the occasion. I had to fight self-pity and all that stuff, but this was all in the discipline. I tip my hat to this inner self which absorbs all the excuses and self-deceptions I fabricate to make the business of living a little more bearable.
I have recovered from this temporary setback. Now I am determined to try my hand in something innovative and new. I have decided that I will raise pigs the organic way for the remainder of my days on the planet. It will be a good idea for a book, this epic journey from being a development worker to an organic swine farmer.
This morning, I met with our three workers on the place we are developing here in Bohol and they were not surprised at all to listen to me expound on the merits of going into organic pig raising. We viewed a video together given by a recent guest, a colleague and friend, Raul Salceda. I have invited the brother-in-law of a friend to spend the first week of May with us to give us pointers on how to raise pigs the organic way.
Unless something turns up that will be more exciting than this prospect, I will embark on this journey soon. But I have to keep on reading more on the subject and listening to other people who have tried their hand in this business for quite some time.
For all we know, this can be a more effective way to save the planet and reduce poverty than all those fancy things I have done during the past 32 years of development work.
Let's see - and wish me luck!
It has taken me quite a while to get the courage to write down my thoughts as part of a cleansing process. During the past month, I distracted myself going to remote villages and renewing ties with project partners. It was also a blessing that there was the Holy Week. As part of centuries-old tradition, our family joined hundred others to visit at least 7 churches during Maundy
Thursday. Before this, there were church masses or services to attend. In-between these activities, I had time to reflect and put myself a little more at ease with how things were turning out which were not according to plan.
Some time during the period I had also to organize get-togethers for friends and colleagues to celebrate my birthday. I had to put up a happy front to hide the turmoil within me: what do I do at 67 when you are too old to be part of a strategic staff development plan? Or so I thought as I talked as though I was the happiest guy during the occasion. I had to fight self-pity and all that stuff, but this was all in the discipline. I tip my hat to this inner self which absorbs all the excuses and self-deceptions I fabricate to make the business of living a little more bearable.
I have recovered from this temporary setback. Now I am determined to try my hand in something innovative and new. I have decided that I will raise pigs the organic way for the remainder of my days on the planet. It will be a good idea for a book, this epic journey from being a development worker to an organic swine farmer.
This morning, I met with our three workers on the place we are developing here in Bohol and they were not surprised at all to listen to me expound on the merits of going into organic pig raising. We viewed a video together given by a recent guest, a colleague and friend, Raul Salceda. I have invited the brother-in-law of a friend to spend the first week of May with us to give us pointers on how to raise pigs the organic way.
Unless something turns up that will be more exciting than this prospect, I will embark on this journey soon. But I have to keep on reading more on the subject and listening to other people who have tried their hand in this business for quite some time.
For all we know, this can be a more effective way to save the planet and reduce poverty than all those fancy things I have done during the past 32 years of development work.
Let's see - and wish me luck!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The Journey I Have Been (7)
TRANSITION NOTES
12 March 2009; Kepong, Kuala Lumpur
For the past three weeks or so, this word transition has figured quite prominently in my vocabulary. I remember emailing everyone I had met in the course of a a 9-month assignment in Malaysia that I transitioned out of my role as Interim National Director of Habitat Malaysia last 03 Feb when a Malaysian was appointed, as planned, for the post.
I promptly applied for leave and left for the Philippines on 08 Feb to take a much-needed transition from this rather tough assignment. As usual, in an organization dedicated to the proposition that good intentions could triumph over evil, I found my time spent mostly in trying to decipher impure motives that pollute good intentions now and then. In this assignment, I believe I have been able to grow up or wizened up a little bit more to the obvious fact that character transformation is quite an uneven process.
But it is as though I had not known this fact about human nature before. It is just that when you enter an organization, the assumption somehow that you automatically make is that everyone there breathes the same air as to ideals and is walking the talk about noble mission and goals. I forgot what I learned ages ago that we are not perfect and it is through our imperfections that we can glimpse through the vast possibility of our own perfections.
This transition is devoutly to be wished, and worked for. That again is an old lesson that I have learned again and again during the past 9 months. No easy way out of it. We need to purify ourselves and others not in isolation, but in the company of fellow human beings equally caught in the trap of defining perfection in terms of some ideals, but remained hopelessly trapped in the contradictions of the flesh and the spirit.
I guess to be sane, one has to go back to the worn-out example of the glass: you either look at it as half full or half empty and that defines, according to psychologists or philosophers, whether you are pessimistic or optimistic.
Which brings us again to Habitat Malaysia: either you get dismayed that the average number of houses it is building per year is quite low compared to the average in nearby countries which are not so prosperous, or you get optimistic that knowing its constraints, it is able to build and repair houses in recent months more than the monthly average over the ten-year period.
The fact is that Habitat operations has been run largely through volunteers, from family selection to raising funds to the actual building of houses. There is a clear need to transition from this mode of operations to one that will blend professional work with volunteerism if we want to build more houses in such numbers that will impact on the local poverty housing situation.
Ah, transition, thy name is patience.
12 March 2009; Kepong, Kuala Lumpur
For the past three weeks or so, this word transition has figured quite prominently in my vocabulary. I remember emailing everyone I had met in the course of a a 9-month assignment in Malaysia that I transitioned out of my role as Interim National Director of Habitat Malaysia last 03 Feb when a Malaysian was appointed, as planned, for the post.
I promptly applied for leave and left for the Philippines on 08 Feb to take a much-needed transition from this rather tough assignment. As usual, in an organization dedicated to the proposition that good intentions could triumph over evil, I found my time spent mostly in trying to decipher impure motives that pollute good intentions now and then. In this assignment, I believe I have been able to grow up or wizened up a little bit more to the obvious fact that character transformation is quite an uneven process.
But it is as though I had not known this fact about human nature before. It is just that when you enter an organization, the assumption somehow that you automatically make is that everyone there breathes the same air as to ideals and is walking the talk about noble mission and goals. I forgot what I learned ages ago that we are not perfect and it is through our imperfections that we can glimpse through the vast possibility of our own perfections.
This transition is devoutly to be wished, and worked for. That again is an old lesson that I have learned again and again during the past 9 months. No easy way out of it. We need to purify ourselves and others not in isolation, but in the company of fellow human beings equally caught in the trap of defining perfection in terms of some ideals, but remained hopelessly trapped in the contradictions of the flesh and the spirit.
I guess to be sane, one has to go back to the worn-out example of the glass: you either look at it as half full or half empty and that defines, according to psychologists or philosophers, whether you are pessimistic or optimistic.
Which brings us again to Habitat Malaysia: either you get dismayed that the average number of houses it is building per year is quite low compared to the average in nearby countries which are not so prosperous, or you get optimistic that knowing its constraints, it is able to build and repair houses in recent months more than the monthly average over the ten-year period.
The fact is that Habitat operations has been run largely through volunteers, from family selection to raising funds to the actual building of houses. There is a clear need to transition from this mode of operations to one that will blend professional work with volunteerism if we want to build more houses in such numbers that will impact on the local poverty housing situation.
Ah, transition, thy name is patience.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Journey I Have Been (6)
10 Jan 2009. Back to Kepong, Kuala Lumpur. Arrived here three days ago. Still on leave, actually. But I have to follow up on a few urgent things for Habitat for Humanity Malaysia. There are deadlines to meet: appointment of a new National Director to replace me (I have been serving in an interim capacity since April last year); consultation with the National Board on the recommendations I have submitted; creation of the Executive Committee, etc.
Most of all, I want to reflect on my life as a new year beckons and, hopefully, make a fresh start. Sounds like a weird thing to say that I am about to turn 67 this April. At this age, I should know better what to do. This matter of starting a new year should really be a simple thing since I have been doing it for the best part of 60 years on the planet. Well, it should, but it is not, as always with life. You never can really be sure that you are making the right tactical decisions to help reach your strategic goal.
There are always distractions to manage, two or more roads vying for attention and each day is a torture to decide which one to take. As everyone knows, the least travelled one appeals to the adventurer in us, but we are actually less and less a risk taker as we grow older as we prefer the easy path. We are predisposed to choose the latter since as we grow older, we are more determined not to squander dwindling resources such as time, money and physical energy.
As I look back through the years, these self-focused reflections almost always include concerns related to the following:
How to manage my ego. This has preoccupied me since I began conscious existence in this life. Some of the outrageous things, as well as a few marvellous things, I have done are conditioned by a powerful need to feed the voracious appetite of a hungry ego. Some of these deeds may have resulted in some worthy achievements that benefit others, but am just amazed at some of the things I say and do sometimes. They seem to arise almost purely from the need to be recognized, to win attention, to score points that boost pride, vanity and self-aggrandizement.
I know, deep down in me, I need to tame this beast if I have to relate more effectively with others.
How to manage other people's ego. Those in my generation most likely know about Dale Carnegie's bestseller, How Win Friends and Influence People. Basically, it's about managing other people's ego. The only problem is that you suspect the other guy must have read the book also and is applying the techniques on you. Which creates skepticism and distrust!
This egocentric type you find everywhere, even in the most unlikely places. Yes, even in groups that are supposed to be selfless in their pursuit of spiritual wealth. Even in people-centered development organizations, I have seen these Lords of Poverty strut about waiting to be pleased, flattered and their enormous ego fed. Sane conversation is impossible at times. Even during consultations, where we are supposed to listen more from those we are consulting with, I have seen types who talk more about themselves, always hammering the point how good they are, how self-sacrificing the are, how they mentored practically everyone in the organization, etc.
Perfect fluent talk, but like the proverbial perfect surgery, the patient or the listener gets perpetually numbed or plain brain dead!
How to be less emotional. I have been trying to overcome this since I was four years old when I used to sneak into our relatives' homes to collect kitchen left-overs so our family of four could have something to eat for the day. My father was dying of TB, and it was my Mother and Grandma who tried to eke out a living by taking odd jobs, just to make us live, my sister and I. It must be during these times that I developed this habit of being misty-eyed each time I see someone in pain like us, emotionally or physically.
Now I am talking again about myself. Falling into that ego trap again!
Well, in the end of all this musing, let's pray for a kinder 2009. We have seen during the past year and early this year, images in newspapers and other media on how the human race could be so cruel to each other. I just hope such cruelty will diminish this year. Almost each year, we pray for this. Thinking more of the other and less of self may be the solution. But, then, nobody listens!
Most of all, I want to reflect on my life as a new year beckons and, hopefully, make a fresh start. Sounds like a weird thing to say that I am about to turn 67 this April. At this age, I should know better what to do. This matter of starting a new year should really be a simple thing since I have been doing it for the best part of 60 years on the planet. Well, it should, but it is not, as always with life. You never can really be sure that you are making the right tactical decisions to help reach your strategic goal.
There are always distractions to manage, two or more roads vying for attention and each day is a torture to decide which one to take. As everyone knows, the least travelled one appeals to the adventurer in us, but we are actually less and less a risk taker as we grow older as we prefer the easy path. We are predisposed to choose the latter since as we grow older, we are more determined not to squander dwindling resources such as time, money and physical energy.
As I look back through the years, these self-focused reflections almost always include concerns related to the following:
How to manage my ego. This has preoccupied me since I began conscious existence in this life. Some of the outrageous things, as well as a few marvellous things, I have done are conditioned by a powerful need to feed the voracious appetite of a hungry ego. Some of these deeds may have resulted in some worthy achievements that benefit others, but am just amazed at some of the things I say and do sometimes. They seem to arise almost purely from the need to be recognized, to win attention, to score points that boost pride, vanity and self-aggrandizement.
I know, deep down in me, I need to tame this beast if I have to relate more effectively with others.
How to manage other people's ego. Those in my generation most likely know about Dale Carnegie's bestseller, How Win Friends and Influence People. Basically, it's about managing other people's ego. The only problem is that you suspect the other guy must have read the book also and is applying the techniques on you. Which creates skepticism and distrust!
This egocentric type you find everywhere, even in the most unlikely places. Yes, even in groups that are supposed to be selfless in their pursuit of spiritual wealth. Even in people-centered development organizations, I have seen these Lords of Poverty strut about waiting to be pleased, flattered and their enormous ego fed. Sane conversation is impossible at times. Even during consultations, where we are supposed to listen more from those we are consulting with, I have seen types who talk more about themselves, always hammering the point how good they are, how self-sacrificing the are, how they mentored practically everyone in the organization, etc.
Perfect fluent talk, but like the proverbial perfect surgery, the patient or the listener gets perpetually numbed or plain brain dead!
How to be less emotional. I have been trying to overcome this since I was four years old when I used to sneak into our relatives' homes to collect kitchen left-overs so our family of four could have something to eat for the day. My father was dying of TB, and it was my Mother and Grandma who tried to eke out a living by taking odd jobs, just to make us live, my sister and I. It must be during these times that I developed this habit of being misty-eyed each time I see someone in pain like us, emotionally or physically.
Now I am talking again about myself. Falling into that ego trap again!
Well, in the end of all this musing, let's pray for a kinder 2009. We have seen during the past year and early this year, images in newspapers and other media on how the human race could be so cruel to each other. I just hope such cruelty will diminish this year. Almost each year, we pray for this. Thinking more of the other and less of self may be the solution. But, then, nobody listens!
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