10 Jan 2009. Back to Kepong, Kuala Lumpur. Arrived here three days ago. Still on leave, actually. But I have to follow up on a few urgent things for Habitat for Humanity Malaysia. There are deadlines to meet: appointment of a new National Director to replace me (I have been serving in an interim capacity since April last year); consultation with the National Board on the recommendations I have submitted; creation of the Executive Committee, etc.
Most of all, I want to reflect on my life as a new year beckons and, hopefully, make a fresh start. Sounds like a weird thing to say that I am about to turn 67 this April. At this age, I should know better what to do. This matter of starting a new year should really be a simple thing since I have been doing it for the best part of 60 years on the planet. Well, it should, but it is not, as always with life. You never can really be sure that you are making the right tactical decisions to help reach your strategic goal.
There are always distractions to manage, two or more roads vying for attention and each day is a torture to decide which one to take. As everyone knows, the least travelled one appeals to the adventurer in us, but we are actually less and less a risk taker as we grow older as we prefer the easy path. We are predisposed to choose the latter since as we grow older, we are more determined not to squander dwindling resources such as time, money and physical energy.
As I look back through the years, these self-focused reflections almost always include concerns related to the following:
How to manage my ego. This has preoccupied me since I began conscious existence in this life. Some of the outrageous things, as well as a few marvellous things, I have done are conditioned by a powerful need to feed the voracious appetite of a hungry ego. Some of these deeds may have resulted in some worthy achievements that benefit others, but am just amazed at some of the things I say and do sometimes. They seem to arise almost purely from the need to be recognized, to win attention, to score points that boost pride, vanity and self-aggrandizement.
I know, deep down in me, I need to tame this beast if I have to relate more effectively with others.
How to manage other people's ego. Those in my generation most likely know about Dale Carnegie's bestseller, How Win Friends and Influence People. Basically, it's about managing other people's ego. The only problem is that you suspect the other guy must have read the book also and is applying the techniques on you. Which creates skepticism and distrust!
This egocentric type you find everywhere, even in the most unlikely places. Yes, even in groups that are supposed to be selfless in their pursuit of spiritual wealth. Even in people-centered development organizations, I have seen these Lords of Poverty strut about waiting to be pleased, flattered and their enormous ego fed. Sane conversation is impossible at times. Even during consultations, where we are supposed to listen more from those we are consulting with, I have seen types who talk more about themselves, always hammering the point how good they are, how self-sacrificing the are, how they mentored practically everyone in the organization, etc.
Perfect fluent talk, but like the proverbial perfect surgery, the patient or the listener gets perpetually numbed or plain brain dead!
How to be less emotional. I have been trying to overcome this since I was four years old when I used to sneak into our relatives' homes to collect kitchen left-overs so our family of four could have something to eat for the day. My father was dying of TB, and it was my Mother and Grandma who tried to eke out a living by taking odd jobs, just to make us live, my sister and I. It must be during these times that I developed this habit of being misty-eyed each time I see someone in pain like us, emotionally or physically.
Now I am talking again about myself. Falling into that ego trap again!
Well, in the end of all this musing, let's pray for a kinder 2009. We have seen during the past year and early this year, images in newspapers and other media on how the human race could be so cruel to each other. I just hope such cruelty will diminish this year. Almost each year, we pray for this. Thinking more of the other and less of self may be the solution. But, then, nobody listens!
